Defender of the Light

There are times I wonder what good I’m really doing.  I’m supposed to be a defender of the Light, bringing its wisdom, mercy, even justice to all those.  I seem to be failing more often than not.

I was in Darnassus today, visiting with “uncle” Fizzletink who was there on other business, and he gave me some truly ingenious pet squirrels that he built.  They’re wonders of Gnome mechanics, really.  After we parted, I walked around Darnassus and found myself near the large stone arch that serves as a gateway of sorts, marking the boundry between Darnassus and the rest of Teldrassil.

I was walking along, playing with one of the squirrels, when I heard this deep, emotionally powerful song.  After a few moments, I realized it was coming from above me.  Hurriedly I searched around for a way up, and it was Fizz, my squirrel, which found the stairs.  We went up, and met the woman who was singing.  It was the Night Elf who I had previously seen in Stormwind.  The same Darnassian who had threatened Arthy.

I took the Light-given opportunity to express my apologies for my earlier actions (suffice to say, I made a fool of myself), and for not trying to get her side.  There are always numerous sides to any story; that’s something they teach when you first sign up, so it’s rather basic.  I still forgot it.  We talked–and argued–for hours.  I tried to show her that Arthy–and herself, for that matter–weren’t mere machines of flesh, without purpose or reason.  I tried to show her that everything and everyone in the Light was cared for, even those wrapped in Shadow.

We spoke of decisions made, terribly hard ones.  She told me that when Arthas fell from power, she simply stood by–but that is an act, too.  That was a decision made, based on judging the situation, based on faith, of a kind.  Had she stepped up to defend Arthas, well, the outcome probably would have been no different, but that still wasn’t a given.  Like all of us, she saw what was going on around her and made a decision to act (or, technically, not act) based on what she believed.  I think she started to see what I was trying to say.

Of course, all of this wouldn’t be necessary–if I had been a true Knight of the Silver Hand.  Paladins are supposed to be strong, of character as well as arm, who reserve judgement until all the sides are taken into consideration.  I–was blinded, really.  I have thought, and prayed, long and hard about this.  It–seems like I’m my own worst enemy, of late.  I’ve had to swallow my words more often than I’d like to admit, and I’ll probably have to do so again rather soon.

I think I need to speak with Arthy, to get his side.  He apparently split up from Darnassiana, the woman he called his “sort’a-wife”.  I don’t know what I’ll tell him; I’m not going to plan ahead, this time.  No, now I will simply try to enter into it with an open heart, and a sincere desire for nothing but the Light’s blessings for him.

All I can do, I think, is talk with him and see what’s in his heart.  I didn’t want to tell Darnassiana this, but as potentially painful as his apparently wanting nothing more to do with him is for both of them–it proves he’s not quite the child she thought he was, and even that aside, he’s taking his steps away from the tainted and tarnished reputation of his vile armor.  He’s making decisions for himself, struggling onto his own path.

And that little man’s been teaching me a thing or two as he goes.  He has a bright, warm soul–brighter than mine.  I realized this, recently.  Yes, he may have some child-like attributes, but that’s not a truly bad thing.  He has a sense of hope and faith about him that’s so deep within him, so intrinsic and pure–I am almost jealous.  At times, I am jealous.

Ever since the Death Knights were accepted back into Stormwind, they have been nothing but abused, insulted, the target of derisive laughter and ridicule.  As a Paladin, I look not too dissimilar from the very city guards who throw food and the like at them–yet it was me Arthy came to that day.  It was me, of all people, he came to and spoke with.  Someone who looked like his tormentors–but his heart refused to let him shy away.  I don’t know if he even wanted to shy away, but–I really can’t imagine it being easy, to do what he did.

He once described to me horrific abuse suffered at the hands of Darnassiana–but he also kept going back to her.  I don’t understand that.  But, by that same token, I don’t understand how he could have seen me, someone who looked and talked like the very city guard who despised and reviled him, and thought it would be a good idea to talk to me.  He still did.  He–saw something good in me, something that, in a moment of true honesty, I don’t know if I can see, and reacted to it.  He sees something good in Darnassiana, too.  I don’t know what it is, but I don’t have to.  Arthy does, and that is good enough for me.

And now, he has a friend–as does Darnassiana.  They now know someone, maybe not of their own “kind”, but someone who (finally) tries to see them for them, to judge them only on their own merits and weaknesses.  I offered both of them my friendship, and they both took it.  I actually couldn’t be happier, even though I know there will be rough times ahead.  There always are, as friends get to know each other, and these will be rough indeed when you have personalities like ours involved.

Every day, I am blessed to learn and grow.  I am blessed to be taught by those who may not even know they’re teaching–which can make the lessons all the more profound.  I am blessed to have my mistakes (of which there are, sadly, many) not yet cause irreparable harm.  I am blessed because my eyes are opening to the Light anew, as if seeing parts of It I couldn’t before.

I am a Knight of the Holy Order of the Silver Hand, Squire to the Knights of Lordaeron.  I am grateful for these times, as they strengthen me, and, I hope, make me a better servant of the Light, and thus better able to help it shine everywhere.

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